I have decided that I am not going to shred my abs.

I was in the supermarket the other day looking for 9-volt batteries, good marshmallows, and frozen berries (a new diet) and I gazed at the magazines on the rack just down from the battery display. Since there were no 9-volt batteries, I took another look at the magazines.

Mostly bikini-clad girls standing next to choppers and hot rods, tattooed athletes with surly facial expressions, and fitness magazines. One of the fitness magazines suggested that I should “Shred” my abs.

I like my abs just fine. They’re there, just like yours, and over the decades I have done thousands of crunches, knee-ins, and twists holding barbell plates in my hands. But I have never shredded my abs.

I like my abs just fine. So much so, I have coated them with a comfortable layer of protective padding that keeps them warm and happy.

In keeping with that theme, there was a diet book next to the magazine about the abs (the abs magazine had a man showing off more than his shredded abs with no sense of modesty whatsoever). On the cover of the diet book was the heading, “Eat All Your Favorite Foods and Lose 30 Pounds!”

On the way out, I added a second bag of marshmallows to my little green carry basket. I like my abs just fine.

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